caterpillar's coccon

KCH.

2011-11-19T19:06:00.001+08:00

suddenly remembered about my KCH trip.

goodbye, memories.

2011-10-19T17:13:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, we need to leave old memories behind to create new ones.

Things which seem very important may not even worth a thought when we let go of them. As the plane soars higher and higher, bringing me further and further away from you, I realize I can live very well on my own without you. The clouds seem whiter, the sky bluer, and my feelings lighter, when I don’t think about you, when you are not in my life anymore.

In fact, I don’t need you in my life at all.

I didn’t tell you that I’m leaving, on purpose. Just one pleading word from you and I will turn back, running into you like a lost puppy. And so I left, just like that. Don’t bother to call, really, the phone card is the airport trash bin. I’m glad I talked to you yesterday, because I know I’d still miss your voice and everything about you. But I ain’t bringing any piece of our memories with me. I never want to be reminded of you ever again. Leave me alone, and let my pain recede, please, my love. This is the last thing you could do for me if you still love me.

When liking a person causes you hurt and pain, stop the feeling right there and then, before the fondness grows into love.

Because love, is a one-way street, with no turning back.

play me serious.

2011-10-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

went for a puff by the seaside last night, and came back with a new gay smoking partner and hell lot to think of about my relationships.

(oh, my new-gay-bestie, if you happen to read this post, you should be proud that you made it into my page)

i always tell my guy friends “behind every bitch is a guy that made her that way” whenever they complain about their bitchy exes or girlfriends. I am a perfect living example. he destroyed me, but then again, choosing to continue living my life bitchily is my own choice, and for that i ain’t blamming him.

that’s not the main point.

my gay friend pointed out that it’s always a broken relationship that ends up stoning a person’s heart, making him a player, a casanova, who treads on innocent feelings and shatters sincere hearts.

1 hurtful relationship = 2 broken hearts = 2 heartless souls

and the 2 heartless souls go out to find new love to fill in their emptiness, only to find that their cold, cold heart is now unresponsive to love anymore. new relationships are just to remind them that they are still wanted. new girl/boyfriends are just as disposable as sanitary pads.

2 heartless souls = 2 players = countless playful relationships.

and the cycle repeats. in the end, everyone screws up.

what used to be warm and meaningful, has become cold and valueless.

love, is not what it used to be. not anymore.

when was the last time you really loved someone with all your heart?

after years of M.I.A

2011-10-17T03:31:00.005+08:00

the new blogspot layout is just so sexy! oooooooooh!

but i'm just too tired to post anything. juggling between my sudden pang of sugar-craving and waves of nausea that hit me on a an average count of 30 times per day :/

good night world. see you again tomorrow :)

soul-searching

2010-05-28T12:29:00.005+08:00

yesterday when i was sitting across of street in KL,
watching streams of cars and motors drift past me,
i felt

detached.
detached from this mad, mad world.

i don't want to join the endless traffic,
i don't want to be another one in the line,
chasing after something that i don't even want,
chasing it for the sake of chasing.

it struck me hard
that i have lost my myself in the past few years.

trying to be someone whom i am absolutely not,
doing things that i'd never wanted to touch,
saying superficial dialogues instead of simple lines out of my heart,

i was not me.

__________________________________________________________________

for the past few weeks i've been every possible places,
searching for answers to the questions marks strewn all over my head.

i talked to my teachers whom i regard as experienced (old :D)
i supposed they would have the answer since they had known me for years.

cikgu zamri was in the idea that i should use my brain in something useful like biotech,
ckigu sara was of the opinion that economics has good prospects in near future,
cikgu faridah was enthusiastic about the wonders of biotech field,

and the list goes on.

i told my dad about the different ideas that my teachers have,
"everyone is entitled to say what they have in mind, it's up to YOU to decide which to listen!" so said my dad.

i'm searching for me.
__________________________________________________________________

at the end of the day,
it was something pn. azora said that really went in to my mind.

my logic head is pushing me to choose biotech because it is what i SHOULD, CAN and SUPPOSED to do;
but my heart is screaming at me to choose what i really WANT, LIKE and LOVE to do for the rest of life.
pn. azora pointed out this conflict to me :)

to listen to my heart or my head,
i have debated it over and over again.

no one knows me better than myself,
so the answer is within me,
no where else.

as i stared afar at the heavy traffic again,
i knew,
i have found the answer.

When God brings you TO it,
He will bring you THROUGH it.

maybe i have yet to discover what the future holds for me,
but i definitely ten steps closer to

the real me :)

me! me! me!

2010-05-25T22:41:00.004+08:00

FACEBOOK :)

Kajian Mengenai Bulan dan sikap anda, yang telah dijalankan oleh Yang Berbahagia Dato' Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah

Vivienne lahir pada bulan September.

Sifat orang yang lahir pada bulan September biasanya:

1: Sangat bersopan santun & bertolak ansur.

2: Sangat cermat, teliti & teratur.

3: Suka menegur kesilapan orang lain & mengkritik.

4: Pendiam tapi pandai bercakap.

5: Sikap sangat cool, sangat baik & mudah simpati.

6: Sangat perihatin & terperinci, amanah, setia & jujur.

7: Kerja yang dilakukan sangat sempurna.

8: Sangat sensitif yang tidak diketahui.

9: orang yang banyak berfikir.

10: Daya pentaakulan yang baik.

11: Otak bijak & mudah belajar.

12: Suka mencari maklumat.

13: Kawal diri dari terlalu mengkritik.

14: Pandai mendorong diri sendiri.

15: Mudah memahami orang lain kerana banyak menyimpan rahsia.

16: Suka sukan, hiburan & melancong.

Hehe, i like =D

语无伦次

2010-05-22T15:38:00.005+08:00

左脑、右脑
挑了
头昏

数字、生物
选了
头晕

飘洋、过海
择了
头痛

想了又想
选了又选
到底有完没完

别人愁没大门为他们打开
我烦不知道要走左还是右

你
说我妄自尊大不懂得写珍惜两个字
我
问你懂不懂什么叫有付出就有收获

为什么
有时很多选择
有时进退两难

为什么
我可以决定脚尖要踏出哪一步
却无权伸出手把你拉到我身旁

为什么
我可以拥有整个世界
唯独被迫放弃我的你

为什么
随手随口能让他们无助听我使唤
死心塌地却不能让他的爱站稳脚

为什么
微笑都给了那些无关痛痒的人
泪水在你的出现时就哗哗而流

我落泪
情绪零碎
方文山你写出了我的心境

说了再见
才发现再也见不到
周杰伦你谱出了我的心语

手指在键盘上交错
眼泪在脸颊上纵横

十年后
在哪里
二十年后
做什么

三十年后
四十年后
五十年后

到最后
这一切
还重要么

到最后
一切都那么渺小
微不足道

那今天
我的头昏头晕头痛
是不是多余

那今天
还要再为未来烦恼吗

那明天
还要继续委屈自己吗

一个人

2010-05-17T00:32:00.000+08:00

不想让你知道我有多难过
只想你永远记得我的微笑

一行行方块字，
我的泪我的血

你不知道，
我知道。

離我而去

2010-05-16T12:09:00.006+08:00

有些东西你再喜欢，也不会属于你
有些东西你再留恋，也注定要放弃

东西
我可以不要

你
我想留下可以吗？

牵我的手
不要放开
可以吗？

留在我身边
不要走开
可以吗？

残伤

2010-05-11T10:35:00.001+08:00

有朝一日
当你
左拥爱妻，
右抱儿女，
子孙绕膝时

那时的
我
已经释怀过去了吗？
还是
依然被你的影子牵着走?

身边桃花盛开
可是心中的位子有人霸占了
再漂亮、
再艳丽的桃花
也只有
等着凋零
与我无缘

一生一世

2010-05-10T00:25:00.001+08:00

如果
有一天
你在我脑海里的记忆
逐渐模糊，
怎么想
也忆不起你的声音
也记不起你的样子
那
我该怎么活下去？

我想
这不会发生

因为
你住在我心里

在我心里
陪我
一生一世

down down down

2010-04-30T15:35:00.001+08:00

woke up early this morning,
with a bright cheerful mood.

a stack of letters and documents from the matrics
ruined everything.

locked myself in the room,
crying for hours.

what's the point of getting good results?
15A's = nothing

i think i'm going to cry again
wish i can drain my tear ducts.

i hate getting this kind of emotional surge now and then.
tiring!

bound.

2010-04-29T05:27:00.000+08:00

you have said it,
at last.

i have been waiting for that phrase
for ages.

now that my wish is granted,
it seems pointless.
hell.

because as you utter it,
word by word

you skillfully bind me with
an invisible thread of
"you're still my love, baby"

and,
worst of all

adamantly,

you refused to return me my
heart.

how am i supposed to walk away from
YOU,
an astute strategist,
and excellent mind gamer?

i've got a feeling that
i never will.

held back, stopping dead.

2010-04-28T04:36:00.001+08:00

bangun... bangun!
nape? kalu tak penting i tido balik...
ok fineeee!
cakap la nape, i curious ni
i rindu u,cukup penting?
nape tak cakap awal-awal?
ni dah jadi kes negare, penting sangat-sangat! =P
so u na tido balik ke tak ni?
tak... =)

sweet, kan? :)
i found myself melting like a chocolate under the sun :)

but then again,
with my complicated status, past and present
i don't see us going anywhere further...

before any feeling sprouts her seedling in my heart
before any chemical initiates pink reaction in my hormones

before anything happens,

i have already loosen my grip,
letting go of any possibilities in the future.

i ain't giving any chance to anybody
not even to myself.

enough is enough.
i've had enough.

inner shine

2010-04-27T11:41:00.001+08:00

People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed
only
if there is light from WITHIN.

~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

losing it.

2010-04-26T20:08:00.001+08:00

when i gaze up
i see swirling, flickering stars

when i look down
everything's atramentous, inky black.

when i stare straight in front,
the world seems too fulgent brightly lit

what's wrong with me?

milik siapa hatimu

2010-04-25T03:12:00.003+08:00

pandang pandang hati berkenan,
tidur malam terbayang-bayang;
tenung tenung hati keliru,
siapakah gerangan di hatimu.

lama-lama, lama merindu,
pada teruna idaman hatiku;
rasa resah rasa pilu,
dia pula buat tak tahu....

突然好想你

2010-04-24T15:47:00.001+08:00

最怕空氣突然安靜　最怕朋友突然的關心

最怕在夜阑人静时
收到你的简讯
即使是简单的一句“睡了吗？”
也会波起我心中未平定的涟漪

最怕回憶　突然翻滾絞痛著不平息

打翻装着回忆的玻璃瓶
碎了，
玻璃碎片一横一横地划破我的心

最怕突然　聽到你的消息

最怕听到你的声音的那一刻
被划破的心
会流更多、更多鲜红的血

想念如果會有聲音　不願那是悲傷的哭泣

不想让你知道我难过
不想让你听见我啜泣
只想让你看见我最开心的一面

事到如今　終於讓自己屬於　我自己

反正
这一切之所以会发生
是我的选择
是我走的棋
我还能说什么？

只剩眼淚　還騙不過自己

不能哭诉
只有在一个人时
让眼泪替我说话
说出藏在心底的真心话
说给枕头听
希望你也听得到

突然好想你　你會在哪裡　過得快樂或委屈

你过得好吗？
把熊熊寄放在你那边
希望它能在梦中给我汇报你的状况
可是它总是不说话
你的近况
我只有靠想象

突然好想你　突然鋒利的回憶　突然模糊的眼睛

想想我又回到你的身旁
天天缠着你
时时烦着你
刻刻乱着你
想着想着
咦，
怎么眼睛湿湿的？

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲　變成兩部悲傷的電影

手指刚在黑白键上按了几下
居然弹出了一首离别曲
匆匆结束了一切
舞台落幕了
没有掌声，
没有喝彩，
留下我
一个落魄的影子

為什麼你　帶我走過最難忘的旅行

为什么要让我遇见你？
为什么我让你走进我的生命中
在我心上深深烙下一个印？

然後留下　最痛的紀念品

短暂的快乐
很甜，
奈何却换来一句
“此恨绵绵无绝期”

我們　那麼甜那麼美那麼相信　那麼瘋那麼熱烈的曾經

玻璃碎片又在割伤我翻腾的心，
痛
让现实渗入我脑中，
更痛

為何我們還是要奔向各算的幸福和遺憾中老去

往后的日子
我的路、你的道
再也不会交叉
再也不会重叠
我
何时能再牵你的手？

突然好想你　你會在哪裡　過得快樂或委屈
突然好想你　突然鋒利的回憶　突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空氣突然安靜　最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶　突然翻滾絞痛著　不平息

最怕突然　聽到你的消息
最怕此生　已經決心自己過　沒有你　卻又突然　聽到你的消息

告诉我，
如何能不再想念你？

告诉我，
思念的泪河
何时才会干涸？

little act.

2010-04-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

sometimes
i still act like a kid.

sometimes,
like just now.

hungry,
i raided the fridge
only to find nothing edible.

my dad came by,
so
i tapped his stomach,
and
tapped my tummy,

then from my mouth
sprouted a single word. "hungry."

like a kid!

pee-ce ful evening :)

2010-04-22T18:52:00.000+08:00

my parents and I were watching tv in the room.

everything was normal...
until

my cat meowwwwwwwed loudly,
signaling that he wants to join us.

so i open the door ajar,
letting him in.

(i have a weird cat,
who is strongly against squeezing through a small hole,
and always insists that
we open a window or door WIDE and BIG for him to enter)

and so he trotted into the room,
sitting beside my dad.

suddenly
my dad said,

"eh, why is my back so hot and wet?
am i sweating too much or what?"

he wiped his back with his palm.....

and it felt sticky,
stickier than what sweat should be like.

he raised his palm near his face....

and URRGHHH!!!

it was my cat's pee!

=.=
my cat thought
my dad's solid and squarish back was a WALL,
a new tembok in the house which he had yet to mark as his territory.

and hence the pee.

LOL!

euwww.
maybe my dad should have write

"this is my back, not a brick wall, you dumbo"
on his back.

or maybe he should hang

THIS

or THIS

(just in case my cat can't read english
and assumes the previous sign is only meant for dogs)

on his back.

ROFL.

what a pee-ceful evening :)

自私。伟大

2010-04-21T18:37:00.000+08:00

只不过
睡着了
没回简讯

一通接一通的电话
飞奔过来

那么紧张我
又何苦呢？

心情
还没收拾好
短时间内
不可能为你敞开心扉

这点我很了解
可是
却迟迟不向你说清楚

是我自私，
想留住你无条件付出的爱

还是你伟大，
愿意默默地呆在我身旁？

爱情，
有时真的很无聊、
无奈。

rahsia sepasang anak mata

2010-04-20T20:40:00.003+08:00

renungilah mataku,
sekiranya kamu meragui keikhlasanku.

renungilah sedalam-dalamnya,
sehingga kamu meyakini keikhlasanku.

"Dalam cinta,
matalah yang lebih jujur berkata-kata."

Bukan Puteri Lindungan Bulan，
karya Liana Afiera Malik

isi hatiku

2010-04-19T23:17:00.001+08:00

Andai kau dapat melihat hatiku
Andai kau dapat membaca fikiranku

Betapa ruang jiwaku penuh dengan kelibat dirimu
Betapa ruang mindaku sarat dengan senyum dan tawamu

Cintailah aku dengan seikhlas hatimu
Sebagaimana aku mencintai kamu
dengan sekeping hati yang tulus....

你

2010-04-18T12:22:00.000+08:00

睁开眼
是你
眼眶满是泪水

闭上眼
还是你
眼泪行行掉下

是你
操纵我的泪腺

faraway fairytale

2010-04-17T03:47:00.003+08:00

that night.

you said you'd leave when your dorm-mate got up,
i said i'd leave when my roommates called me.

time ticked by.

late night.
your friend got up and left you did nothing

midnight.
my friends called me and went off i kept quiet

you decided to stay with me,
i chose to remain by your side.

chilly sea breeze, ebony sky.
exchange of warm smiles.
deep, trusting gazes.
lines of our hearts' content.

that night.
that very night.

i'd remember it till my last breath.

清醒

2010-04-16T15:27:00.000+08:00

不小心弄伤了手
红红的、
嫩嫩的，
碰了
很疼，很痛。

疼，
换来了你急切的关心；
痛，
痛醒了我
提醒了我还活着。

______________________________

往头上浇一瓢瓢的水
冷冷的、
凉凉的，
感觉
很冰、很冻

冰，
凝固了一切该被遗忘的往事
冻，
冻醒了我
提醒了我还活着

疼、痛、冰、冻
我醒了。

原来，
我还活着。

greatest dad ;)

2010-04-15T18:46:00.000+08:00

on the last day of the camp
i was left with hell lot of luggage

as i walked down the stairs
i saw streams of girls heaving their heavy bags down,
step by step
panting, puffing and complaining

as i walked up the stairs
couldn't help but feeling smug
i have my dad beside me :)
a strong dad who wouldn't let me carry the luggage by myself

as i typed this
i recalled endless stream of memories with my dad

18 i am
but i'm still a childish spoiled brat inside out

whenever my mom cooked steamed fish
i would sulk and pout my lips
dad would be the one taking out the bones from the fish,
cutting it into smaller bite-size chunks for me

whenever i'm packing to leave somewhere
even it's only for three days
dad would make sure i brought a bag of apples along

recently
i got to know that
he traded his old car for a new one
just because he knew
his daughter really suck at packing
he got a bigger car
for me to be at ease with my luggageS
when i travel around for studies and interviews

in this post
i'm not into flowery sentences and bombastic words
all i want is
to express my truest feelings and deepest gratitude to
my dad,
the GREATEST DAD on earth

_____________________________________________________

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me such a great dad
now i know why You have made me such a childish girl,

that is to
give me more time,
to be showered by a father's endless care
o be smothered by a dad's unconditional love

Thank you God,
or your blessing.
amen

深夜里想起你

2010-04-14T11:35:00.005+08:00

前天深夜
我问你
是不是有了别的女人

你说，
没有

没有？
那就好。

你说的，
我都相信

心甘情愿地
相信你说过的每一句话

毫无怨言地
为你封锁其他恋爱机缘

无怨无悔地
把整颗心交到你的手中

我爱你。

昨天深夜
我偶然听到
刘若英唱的《成全》

“ 一个人的成全

好过三个人的纠结

她许你的海誓山盟蜜语甜言

我只有一句

不后悔的成全

成全了你的今天与明天 ”

是不是我的爱
让你窒息？

我就是喜欢那样爱着你。

今天深夜
我依然
静静地守候着你
细数着你给我的伤痛

像受伤的猫儿
坐在一旁
静静地舔着伤口
不吭一声

我依然那么地爱你。

以往的深夜
没有你的存在
只有支离破碎的回忆
我
该如何度过

一圈换一圈

2010-04-13T23:10:00.004+08:00

回来以后
身形瘦了一圈
心头宽了一圈

找到了失去已久的勇气
找到了属于自己的天空

逐渐
把枷锁拆开
不再
在原地踏步

原来，
一直以来
不是命运抛弃了我，

是我
放弃了我自己。

离开后的第七天

2010-04-09T23:34:00.005+08:00

离开了七天
也写了七天

心里的翻腾
脑力的挣扎
选择的痛苦

这一切的一切
让我心碎了一遍又一遍
让眼泪掉了一行又一行

是时候
放下一切
回到属于我的空间

兜了一个大圈子
又到回到了原点

当初不小心掉入你们的世界

是
上天开的玩笑
机缘摆的乌龙
命运出的差错

是
根本不应该发生的事

也许
放手、忘记、无视
我会好过一点

离开后的第六天

2010-04-08T03:06:00.002+08:00

从今以后
我们互不相干
毫无瓜葛

你说我

幼稚？
情绪化？
小事放大？
很莫名其妙？

爱说什么就说吧
尽情地说
反正
清者自清

你爱说
就说吧

我就是我
不会为任何人改变
也不在乎你怎么看我

我，累了。
真的，累垮了。

让我
逃离这个是非满天的世界

让我，
静一静吧

离开后的第五天

2010-04-07T03:05:00.001+08:00

行李
搁在房间几天了
还没整理
我想，
应该开始集尘了吧

不是懒惰
不是忙碌
而是
我不想去动它

深怕碰了它
会间接碰到
我内心深处的伤口

离别，
在我的心口深深地划了一刀

时间，
在很努力地进行着复原工程

回忆，
却依然固执地在伤疤上撒盐

——————————————————————

临走之前的那一夜
你送我一盒巧克力
我把它放在书桌上

让它原封不动地
躺着，
静静地
看着我被思念折腾

一直没拆开它，
你知道为什么吗？

因为
在我内心深处
依然隐藏着一个不切实际的念头，

想把那盒叙别礼
变成见面礼
亲手交还给你，
然后对你说，

“我回来了，
再也不会离开你的身边......”

奈何，
梦归梦。

离开后的第四天

2010-04-06T21:44:00.000+08:00

身、心
都累了
躺在床上辗转难眠
却
怎么也睡不着

拿起手机把玩
让长长的手机吊饰
在空中飞舞

那是我们五个人一起买的吊饰
是我们五个人之间的
粉红约定

它随风飘扬
带着我的记忆列车一起飘游

五个剩四个
我走了
留下多少未完成的梦想丫

我们
还不曾一起去
欣赏吉打的海边、
拜访龙龙居林的家、
搞好中华文化营

我们
是否还有机会一起
早上一起洗衣、
一整个下午蹲在书局、
步行几公里去吃晚餐？

莉珊，你还没帮我涂黑色指甲油呢
妙绮，你还没带过我回你家见家长呢
奕雯，你还没陪我看马来电影呢
伟强，你还没帮我洗你弄脏的小熊呢
班长，你还没帮我破完MARIO的关呢

还有
我们无法一起去西安了

这么多还没圆的梦再缠着我
难怪
我睡不着

此刻的我，
又在想你们了

离开后的第三天

2010-04-05T11:20:00.000+08:00

星期一
开始上课了噢

我不知道，
班上少了我一个
气氛，
还会一样吗

我只知道，
身边少了你们
生活，
永远不一样

一早起来
下午吃饭
晚上睡觉

哪段时间
哪个时辰
都变了

变淡，
因为少了
跟猫调情的时光、
帮强强充电的情景

变静，
因为少了
菜菜震耳欲聋的噪音、
班长那甜美，迷死黄梨的嗓音

变严肃，
因为少了
龙龙的身影和笑声、
莉珊到处喊“神奇的人类"的娃娃音

一切都变了，
彻底地变了。

也许
当初选择去那里是错的
现在决定回到这里，
更是错的。

离开后的第二天

2010-04-04T19:17:00.000+08:00

我走了
你们会想念我吗？

在一起三个月
真想知道
我给你们留下怎样的印象

还记得吗？
我们在一起
笑笑闹闹吃火锅
辩论输了哭得稀里哗啦
在屋后嬉水像一群疯女人
坐在大众书局一个下午
把龙龙的车挤到爆胎
上更半夜堆在石椅吹天南地北的水
无聊地帮左边右边打招呼

这一切的一切
虽然平凡
但却印证了
我们曾经携手共度的疯狂日子

忆起我们的点点滴滴
眼泪也跟着
一点一点
一滴一滴
顺着脸颊流下
眼泪几时才会干？

我在想，
当我的眼泪掉下来时
会滴在你们的心上吗？

离开后的第一天

2010-04-03T19:16:00.001+08:00

不要打电话给我好吗？

我很害怕
听到你们那熟悉的声音
会勾起很多关于我们之间的故事

就连传简讯
我读着、打着一个个方块字时
眼眶也会莫名其妙地湿了

是我太情绪化了吗？
我想，
应该是吧。

往后的日子
只能透过听筒听见你们的声音
只有从视频看见你们的脸孔

很遗憾
过去不曾好好珍惜
与你们
面对面对话望、
心连心对话的
每一分，每一秒。

我离开的那一天

2010-04-02T04:26:00.001+08:00

长途巴士
在夜阑人静中快速前进
记忆
却在慢慢往后倒退

想起
十二月尾，在家兴致勃勃地整理行李
一月中旬，在陌生的宿舍打开行李
四月初那一夜，在已熟悉的房间收拾行李

短短的三个月
在我的人生中留下难以磨灭的回忆

初来报到时
带来大大小小的行李

现在要离开
带走甜甜酸酸的回忆

眼泪
一直往下掉
久久不能停止

sleeping escapade

2010-03-29T16:45:00.003+08:00

these few days
all can i want to do is
sleep sleep sleep

i hate waking up.
the moment i open my eyes,

my subconscious mind
will think about you
and
my conscious mind
will make me miss you

sleeping is my way of escaping the reality
i'm a coward,
i know.

staying away from you

2010-03-29T00:22:00.006+08:00

my phone went berserk since this morning
all incoming and outgoing calls couldn't be traced

the phone log record stops at
27/3/2010

it's like the time has stopped.

how i wish
the time has really stopped

as
minutes ticked,
hours passed,
and days flew

i learn more about him
so much until i fear to know more
for it hurts me
without me realizing it

sometimes its better to love someone from afar
without knowing who he really is

it hurts you lesser that way~

and now
i am trying my best
to stay away from you

昨天的回忆

2010-03-24T23:41:00.003+08:00

忘记你我做不到
但，
我不会让你知道
因为
一个人痛心
总好过
两个人痛苦

忘记你，
我真的、真的做不到

我就是那样执着
爱情，
就是一种疯呀

2010-02-15T23:14:00.003+08:00

失恋时
听情歌、看爱情片，
是自虐的最高境界。

胸膛的温暖

2010-02-11T14:11:00.004+08:00

原以为
回到家
就可以
舒舒服服地
一觉到天亮

谁知，
依然
夜夜
辗转难眠

一整晚
对着天花板
干瞪眼到破晓

原来，
我念的
并不是

熟悉的床铺

而是
你那

温暖，
可以听到你心跳声的
胸膛。

有影子陪伴着我，请你放心

2010-02-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

黑漆漆的影子
千古年来，
一直都是孤独寂寞的象征

何时开始
陪伴我的，不再是你

那
紧紧的拥抱
实实的掌心
暖暖的胸膛
酷酷的笑容

而是那
孤寂的身影？

同桌。同焯

2010-02-08T13:48:00.011+08:00

说说跟我同桌两星期的感受吧

没什么感受...

够力，什么答案来的

就这个答案

算了，回来后我搬到后面一个人坐…

why？

反正我有无坐你隔壁，你都没感受，悲！

= =

我被伤到很严重了

那我问你

你两个星期的感受何如？

喜欢跟你同桌啊

你生病那天

还想念你耶～

晕

够朋友...

我只是实话实说呀

我知道

哪像某人

居然不珍惜与英女王同桌的时刻

没良心

谁说我不珍惜了

只是你我二人表达方式

不同而已...

原来，

不了解彼此的表达方式，

可以是感情路上的致命伤……

昨夜与某人对话后，

我才领悟了这个道理。

原来，

我一直忽略了他，一直没有用心去了解他……

没感受

不就是不珍惜吗？

不是这样的...

或许以后你会明白...

我和他，

还有以后可言吗？

丘比特的翼，

还会复原吗？

以后还要继续同桌吗？

这还用说...

如不嫌弃，可以继续与我同桌... *完*

坠落天使

2010-02-08T11:18:00.006+08:00

折了翼的丘比特，

翅在流血
他丝毫不感到疼痛

心在淌血
却痛得他三世忘不了

爱情受挫那
刻骨铭心的痛......

心痛

2010-02-06T21:20:00.008+08:00

感情走到尽头时，
把手放开
给他祝福吧
这样下一朵桃花才会开呀。

我都做到了，
下一朵桃花也开了，

怎么我的心，还隐隐作痛?

entwined souls

2010-02-03T13:38:00.002+08:00

when our lips touch
i let your love fills me up
i lost myself in your world

when our lips touch,
we exchanged our souls,

how long has it been
since we last exchange our soul?

i have never feel so in need of your hugs and kisses.
i miss you
like never before.

anguish tears

2010-02-01T11:24:00.004+08:00

i couldn't understand what he wants from me
the exhausted soul in me
is screaming to just let go of everything.

letting go?
is that what we both want to see?

anguish tears shook my world hard
like deafening thunders and blinding lightnings taking their toll on a helpless weed.

i hugged my sweetest memory of you,
tight and hard,
crying until sleepiness fought over
the pain of a broken heart,
the throbbing of a confused mind,
the aching of torn-apart feelings.

yesterday
was a long, long sleepless night.

blossoming youth

2010-01-31T16:04:00.004+08:00

one privilege of being youthful?
you have the courage to things that you never dreamt of doing.

10 things that i have always wanted to do:

10. drive out of town alone
9. date a mat rempit for more than 3 months
8. fly to taiwan and stalk jay chou
7. master and play snooker on my own
6. buy a pornographic DVD under broad daylight
5. date 10 guys at one time
4. 3P? =p
3. clubbing till wee hours
2. smoke.

1. this is added recently : date a lecturer.

i know all these spell a dark future,
but they are just so tempting!

why must dreams and reality must be that far apart? =(

gedik moments

2010-01-27T13:33:00.000+08:00

you know you are almost in love
when you blush and giggle upon being teased with the guy

you know you are so in love
when you melt upon receiving a cute smile from the guy

you know you are madly in love
when you smile alone upon thinking about the guy before sleep =)

signing off,

gedik girl yang sedang menggedik gile2 =PP

a taste of hedonism

2010-01-26T12:29:00.014+08:00

hell,
little did i expect the word "hedonistic"
to appear in my life dictionary when i am here.

obviously, the word "Sg. Petani" makes my mind thinks along
the "simple, innocent, quiet, boring, SAD, PATHETIC line.....
i was quite right in some ways
yet totally wrong in many things!

shopping is back in my life again,
thank god my prayers are answered =)
and so i'm alive again!

oh, i am currently eying on dinner dresses
for our upcoming welcoming-cum-farewell party.

chic, elegant, sexy or sweet?
well, a girl can dream, can't she?

and, i least expected karaoke-ing here!
mind you, its real karaoke, not that stupid steam box thingy
we ate, drank, and sang till late night,
all the while laughing, shrieking, talking, gedik-ing....
okay maybe i'm the only one gedik-ing =PP
next week i'm so gonna get their hands on snooker =)

we slept around 2am yesterday
and you can guess what happened in our poetry class just now =)

oh, as for relationship matters,
you guys should know better than worrying for me right? lol

i shall not elaborate further
just in case someone stumbles upon my blog
so only a few non-sweetened dessert to dish out =P

all i can say is
i finally found a replacement to kick Binky out of my head
(yes i still like her)
and,
a guy who is a total opposite of me caught my eyes =)
so my normal and abnormal (bi) mind is healthily nourished at the moment

when i'm back in kuantan,
it will be story time! =D
till then, take care.

p/s: i painted my nails sparkling gold =P

nukilan dari hati yang lara

2010-01-20T11:21:00.000+08:00

sayang i rindu u lah =(
bear yang u bagi tu asyik buli i malam-malam =P

aizat i rindu u (hehe mestilah name die dulu)
aimi i rindu u
dhijee i rindu u
umm i rindu u
hani i rindu u
abrar i rindu u
fairuz i rindu u
zaid i rindu u
nil i rindu u

kesimpulannye...........
i rindu komuniti melayu smart lah!!
and i rindu cakap melayu macam melayu dengan melayu
(best tak ayat ni?)

rindu sgnt2 kat korang lah,
takut nanti bile balik i dah jadi cine tulen.
HOWWWW?

p/s: tajuk gempak, isi low quality =P
sebab kesuntukan mase dan sumber lah, sorry =PP

i will SURVIVE !!!

2010-01-19T10:58:00.003+08:00

gosh!
i miss blogging =(

my next class starts in 10 minutes' time
so i'd better get to the main points!

1. i washed ALL my clothes, EVERYDAY!
2. i emptied the dustbin by myself today =)
3. i washed my apple this morning, and i hate it here because back then, daddy will cut the apple nicely for me =(
4. i spoke mandarin throughout the day, damn.

so practically, i'm surviving on strong will of my heart, haha =D

you guys better be ready when you see me next month.
gone is the chewy "yang sangat melayu"
i found my (chinese) roots here =)
lol!

but seriously and honestly,

i hate speaking mandarin
because (i think) my mandarin slang is weird
i hate reading mandarin textbooks
because i'm so used to english alphabets.
i hate writing chinese character
because it hurts my fingers

and i'm such a hypocrite because everytime teacher asks why i chose this course..........
........

"i love mandarin."
haha. wtf. love?

i don't know.
why am i here again? you tell me.
i'd better start loving mandarin now.

miss you guys so much.
till then!

sNailing my life

2010-01-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

out of boredom,
i observed myself

and to my horror,
i realised that i'm a

snail.
a SNAIL!
i leave trails (practically) everywhere i go, all the time

1. when i wake up, i will drag my blanket with me down the bed and throw it on the floor
( i am unconscious during the first 3 hours of awakening )

2. i change my pajamas and off they land on the floor.

3. i brush my teeth and wash my face
and wet the whole bathroom floor.

4. i crack a half-boiled egg and leave egg shells flying all over the kitchen slab.
and i somehow managed to make some egg yolk dripping on my dog's head.
maybe that's why he hates me.

5. i tidy my wardrobe up and when i'm done,
my mom came yelling, "CAN YOU TIDY UP YOUR ROOM? WHY ARE ALL YOUR STUFF ON THE FLOOR?"

6. after lunch, i notice 5 tiny rice glaring at me on the dining table.
not to mention a tiny piece a veggie leaf.
oh, i choose to ignore them =P

7. i spent half of my life on my bed,
so naturally i left most of my trails there.
you will find things that you least expected like
clothes peg, painting brush, mini light bulbs (science experiment, lol!) and paper planes (seriously.)

8. just an hour ago, i sprawled on the floor, penning reply letters to my pen-pals.
oh it was a disaster!
on the floor you have balled up papers, stamps, coloured pens, a whole stack of envelopes.....
all looking so lost and homesick.

oh, i love SNAIL mails =P
i love waiting for the postman,
receiving, opening, and replying letters =))

i guess i'm a snail deep down inside.
and after i turned my computer off,
my phone, pendrive, tissue papers, Twisties wrapper will be accompanying the keyboard.

i just HAVE to leave some trails behind.

2010-01-14T19:25:00.000+08:00

it's time to fall in love all over again.

say teeth! =P

2010-01-13T12:52:00.001+08:00

there are times when i can smile perfectly. =)

ready?

2010-01-12T12:40:00.002+08:00

i'm not sure whether i am ready.

ready to wake up early in the morning? *yawn yawn*
ready to study those friggin' thick text books? *boring boring*
ready to do powerpoint presentations? *stammer stammer*
ready to giggle over cute boys? *crush crush*
ready to hold my pen, and worst of all, write those complicated Chinese characters? *PAIN PAIN*

am i ready to start my college life?
i doubt so.

p/s : to those who think mandarin is easy,

A B C D = 甲乙丙丁 ( jia yi bing ding )
i love you = 我爱你 ( wo ai ni )
idiot = 笨蛋 ( ben dan )

see what i mean?
speaking Mandarin is easy,
but writing Chinese is complicated.
pain, pain!

tissue roll friend

2010-01-11T12:37:00.003+08:00

i've this guy friend whom i don't contact that often
and yet,
he occupies a (teeny weeny) space in my heart.

he's like a tissue roll.
metaphorically, not physically =P

you won't bring a tissue roll by your side 24/7,
but there will be times where you need the tissue roll badly.
like, say, when you are down with flu?
or when you realise there is no water supply only after you shitted?

okay maybe tissue roll is a bad choice of metaphor.

i'm just trying to say that
i don't think about him all the time,
but there are times when i actually and really miss him
not going to elaborate more on this point though =P

and i think he is sweet.
i mean, he gave me gifts at occasions like my birthday?
was it my birthday?
don't know lah, i forgotten ord.

he gave me one miniature yellow tofu,
yeah i was crazy over the 'Tofu Family' back then,
(and still crazy-ing actually)

and then an anklet.
i' m sure its supposed to be an anklet or bracelet........... =.=
and since it look nice dangling on my leg,
so i assumed its meant to be an anklet.

and followed by a small (really, really small) glass
filled with cheap (really, really cheap) sweets
for valentine's,
if i have not mistaken.
it's the thought that counts? =/

its not the gifts that make him a tissue roll friend.
its not the gifts that make me think about him.

its something that i couldn't explain.
A queer connection between two minds?
maybe.

and i missing you right now as you are reading this,
mr. tissue roll.

i've got YOU

2010-01-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

so he got me this cute and huge bear,
and we named him 'YOU'
(it's supposed to be a guy, hence him.)

he said he gave YOU a blackberry and a upax simcard,
so that YOU can report to him if i am naughty,
and that YOU will hug me tight at night,
kiss me in the morning when i rise and shine =)

with YOU and you by my side,
guess i wouldn't be that lonely after all
i love YOU and you! =P
thanks for being so thoughtful and sweet, sayang!

but,
the biggest problem is transporting YOU to kedah =.=

me, just me.

2010-01-07T22:38:00.001+08:00

hey guys, this might be my last entry for this blog. ahahaha, i know this sounds a little bit morbid, but then again, it might be true. sebab, i takkkkkkkkkkkkde laptooooooop! and i m gonna stay at some pedalaman sawah high school, so thats it lah! no more blogging.
*sobs*

so, in this so called last blog entry, i akan blog everything yang ade dalam deep down in my heart. it might be a bit lengthy, but please bear with it and bace dengan sabar ye. so lets start dengan soalan favorite you guys,
"KENAPA YOU AMIK BAHASE?! KENAPA TAK BUAT MEDICS KE APE KE???!!!"

and not forgetting you guys punye all time favorite quote.
"BAZIRRR LAAA YOU TAK AMIK SAINS!!!"

i think i selalu jawab korang i tak suke sains and i tak mampu nak buat sains kan? and i ingat lagi i selalu cakap "sebab i SUKE bahase!". actually, i takde jawapan to this question. Whatever yang I jawab, was to shut you guys up. And soon, lepas I said that "sebab i SUKE bahase!" ayat for more than 10 times, I sort of tricked my brain and brainwashed myself that I actually suke bahase.

and with this as a long mukadimah, I would like to bring you all closer to me, closer to the real chew yee.

I have to admit I nie memang seorang yang takde confidence. Takde langsung. I tak confidence dalam making friends, I selalu sibuk worrying about what people thinks about me.

And the biggest mistake yang I buat dalam my life is telling myself that I hate sciences and that I TAK MAMPU nak buat science.

With that in mind, I looked down at my own capability, I refuse to put effort to understand all the three science subjects. Dalam every class pun I tell myself ‘I takkan fahamnyer pe yang cikgu ajar’, and I practically don’t pay attention, and selalu je cari alasan na ponteng. Stupid, I know!

So padan muke lah! After a few months, I really2 tak faham dah what is bio, what is physics and what is chemistry. Especially chemistry. When my classmates talked about voltaic call, Daniel cell, I would be like, hah?! Ape tu? Even simple experiments I kene hafal. Sebab ponteng bile orang tengah work their ass off buat experiment.

I totally lost hope, I rase bodoh gile. The worst part is no one understands, not even friend yang so close dengan i. at times, when I tell him my worries about science subjects, he would ask me to stop acting and jangan berpura-pura. I rase na tendang die sampai g Afrika tao. for those yang cakap science stream susah, shut up and stop finding excuses. either study hard to achieve your dreams or pack your stuff, move to art stream. don't repeat my mistake and feel sorry for yourself.

to add to the pain, my relationship with my family wasn’t that good. It was my fault, sebab I’m seriously bad in communicating with my parents. I know I should be very thankful that I am blessed with good parents, and it really breaks my heart that I can’t communicate with them. I tak reti nak share problems with them, I tak reti macam mane nak tell them what I think. I controlled my temper, I prayed (and still praying), I did what they want me to do. I tried so hard. Or maybe, I didn’t try my best. But I guess sometimes, things just don’t change.

I know they love me more than anyone else in this world, I know they care for me for more than anything in the world, but I really tak tahan dah, tak tahan not being able to communicate with them. It hurts me as much as it hurts them. The reason I selalu nangis dalam wayang when ade family scenes, is that I selalu terkenang pasal my family, i nak sangat ade family yang happy. I want to be the girl dalam cerita yang tersenyum sambil pegang tangan mak ayah die. Dad, Mom, i love you. i'm sorry...

And then I made the second biggest mistake in my life. I started to live in my own world, harboring the thought of running away as I can.

So one mistake leads onto another mistake, and I stumbled upon this scholarship yang promise me bright future in Shang Hai. I apply terus, without even thinking twice.

And here I am, standing in my room, looking at my luggage yang dah lama siap dikemas.

And suddenly I cried.

I cried so hard, so long, like never before.

I looked back, and realized all the stupid mistakes yang I buat dalam my life.

Stupid as they are, small as they are, but they caused great impacts in my life.

i threw all the best opportunities yang I have into the wind with my own hands. I buang my chance to be a doctor, I buang my chance to be the best SPM scorer, I buang my chance to have a happy family, I buang my chance to love my parents with all my heart.

I am here, I am what I am now, because of my own choices.

Having dried my tears, I look ahead, waving at the many, many fresh opportunities that future holds for me.

Whatever it is, I’m going to Farmer’s River, I’m going to do my language foundation and I’m going to China. This time, no turning back, no regrets.

May God bless me with greater inner strength to bring me further in my life.

tribute to my kawan-kawan yang disayangi =)

2010-01-06T18:49:00.002+08:00

With great great thanks to God, my senior year is somewhat blessed.

Sebab, I have a bunch of GREAT and SUPER COOL friends! =)

Haha, kalau na perasan, syok sendiri and rase high for 5 minutes, read on.

ummaira, aimi, hani and abrar. Kalau takde dorang, abislah my memory in secondary school . Kosong.

Ummaira is the motherly one, I find it easy sangat na cakap dengan die. Bukan na exaggerate ke ape, tapi whenever I see her, I have this kind of warm feelings yang macam whatever happens, dunia kiamat pun, I still have someone to cry on. she is the one that will go all girly and smile macam ape je when she talks about her current crush. Luqman hadi? Edward cullen? Fahrin ahmad? Entah I dah lost count.

Aimi! I think that she got that kind of ketua pelajar aura, sebab until now, bile I nampak die, I ade this kind of perasaan takut kene tegur sebab salah laku =P she is that type of no-nonsense leader, firm, and strict. I’m glad to join State Comp with her as team leader. Oh yeah, she selalu tumpang I bailk dari mega and beli souvenirs bile travel =P and I suke the way she kacau me, tease me pasal couple2. not to forget, she taught me 'pupi' means people! =)

and hani, yes! my les partner. She is sweet, I suke gelak2 dengan die, and I cair gile2 when she calls me dengan suare die yang manje na mampus! And memory pasal st.john, mesti ade hani, my sergeant. Remember the little comel cupcakes that she bakes for Hari Koperasi? =)

And then abrar. I kenal die quite lambat, tapi paling rapat dengan kite. Kisah-kisah dalaman persahabatan me and him are totally Private & Confidential =))

And from abrar, I kenal lah this aizat yang cute. I rase na slap myself sebab tak pernah perasan ade budak yang soooo cute dalam my form. Too bad aizat tu tak pnah na cakap more than 3 sentences dengan i. kecik ati I tao.

there is this fairuz yang selalu belanje I, and selalu tengok I tinggi dari die tak. Ha, zaid yang poyo bile amek gamba, yang main mercun ngn i… and not forgetting hakim yang pernah teman me talking rubbish for hours on those nights yang I can’t sleep cause I’m missing someone.

Dhijeed! The thoughtful boy yang made me a card and got my classmates to sign it when I was ‘moving’ to another school. Priya! My neighbour and best friend since form one =) dari budak nerd form 1 sampai budak perasan cool form 5, she has been with me for 5 years… I will always remember the days when we studied bio like hell until we fell asleep on the same bed =P

Ramai lagi yang I na tulis, tapi tak larat dah.

Gaaya, with her sunslik ad long ebony hair and her EHT (Extra High Tension) ways

Ishwaar, who always cycle to come and see me and my top up savior =)

Amalen, who calls me Datuk Seri Paduka Panglima dunno what crap and supplies me yummy sandwiches

Nadia, who was there with me when I was bitten ny a bog and actually saw a piece of my fat tissue (or we thought it was)

Nushen, who always tease me for being short

Wong, thanks for sharing your sweater with me in the cinema once

Zul, jangan ngorat I tengah2 malam lagi please, tak tahan lah

Afiq, I will so miss sitting beside you and listening to your out of tunes singing

Taufiq, jangan curang2 dengan I, wallpaper handphone you kene remain gambar I =P

Imty, I still ingat lagi you bagi I bunga (walaupun satu and kecik je), you comel lah!

Yang tak disebut name tu, janganlah merajuk pulak, call me and I will tell you personally what, and how much you mean to me!

I love you all, I really do.

Thank you for accepting the imperfect me, thank you for being a part of my life.

Do keep in touch, call me bile2 korang rindu I, ok?

Sorrylah I maybe tak dapat mesej you all, maklumlah duduk tengah sawah, takde top up centre lah! =P

0145389652

017-9687285

cherie_ti_amo@live.com

bye!

two sides

2010-01-02T15:02:00.003+08:00

take this story from two different sides.
- me - him - hani - umm -

+ TAKE 1 +

umm : since when you guys couple balik?
me : eh mane ade? we're just friends!
umm : but you two were so lovey dovey!
me : no lah, kan i dah cakap kat you i dah break up....

+ TAKE 2 +

hani : you serious ke ngan chew yee?
him : mestilah serious!
hani : dah tu macam mane boleh putus dulu?
him : mane ade putus? just na cool down situation je...

+ BEHIND THE SCENE +

few months ago......
him : sayang jom couple balik.
her : tak nak.

few weeks ago.......
her : sayang nak couple balik tak?
him : tak nak lah sayang.

few days ago.....
him : sebab you girlfriend i...
her : i girlfriend you?
him : ha ah la girlfriend i. memang dari dulu i tak pernah anggap putus, you tu yang sekundud.

and now i'm confused.
it's complicated =/

travelling trivia - penang!

2009-12-31T19:39:00.005+08:00

TRAVELLING TRIVIA #4

i met this very friendly indian guy

when my family was looking for the road to penang ferry jetty.

dad : eh tumpang tanya macam mana nak pergi feri penang?

macha : uncle nak pergi feri? good good! i am also going there! come come you follow behind my lorry, we go together!

.......5 minutes later, at the jetty.

macha winded down his window.........

macha : uncle you just go straight and enter this lorong. then you go the counter and pay money money ok?

dad : ok, thank you thank you!

i was rolling on the seat with laughter xD

this macha really like to double up his words

until my dad got influenced =P

TRAVELLING TRIVIA #5

we were looking for Kek Lok Si temple.

dad : you see the penang bridge? so grand! but its like so far, wonder how to get onto the bridge ah?

us : waitlah when we go back we need to cross it anyhow. now find the temple first ok?

dad : just now i ask the guy, he say must take the middle lane when we come to four lanes.

........few minutes later.........

mom : eh. why got four lanes?

dad : never mind, just take the third lane lah, its middle what....

.........few seconds later.........

a signboard tells, "sila jaga kebersihan jambatan"

bro : mommy! you see this pulau! its the same like what i saw on the ferry!!

us : oh my god, you mean.............?

yes,

that's how we ended up on Penang Bridge lol xD

so stupid!

and so we went straight down to ipoh.

damn!

my dad cursed the guy for the stupid directions he gave,

and my poor brother sulked all the way out from penang =P

travelling trivia - hotel!

2009-12-31T19:31:00.003+08:00

TRAVELLING TRIVIA #3

the college that i'm going (maybe)

is located at god forbidden, freaking faraway and remote area,

Sg, Petani, Kedah.

the only attraction i find there is

an extremely cute and smiley hotel receptionist =)

he was like soooooo cute

with his kelantanese malay accent

when he showed us me room.

i even learned that 'tok seh' is 'tak nak' =D

"nak bantal lagi?"

"tv kalau tak elok boleh tengok kat bawah tau?"

oh damn he is so cute! =)

travelling trivia - highway!

2009-12-30T19:15:00.007+08:00

TRAVELLING TRIVIA #1

me : eh, how you know which is girl's toilet? no sign oso...

bro : you no eyes? you see this toilet inside got nothing de... you can stand and pee meh?

me : fine!!

lol =p

TRAVELLING TRIVIA #2

me : wei! faster tie your seat belt! police in front!
bro : where got? don't lie ah you!
me : really lah... you see in front got one small house? police booth la!
bro : *rolling his eyes* its a food stall lah, wear your specs please.

偏爱 , 张芸京

2009-12-29T04:46:00.000+08:00

把昨天都作废现在你在我眼前
我想爱请给我机会
如果我错了也承担认定你就是答案
我不怕谁嘲笑我极端

相信自己的直觉
顽固的仍不喊累
爱上你我不撤退

我说过我不闪躲我非要这麽做
讲不听也偏要爱更努力爱让你明白
没有别条路能走你决定要不要陪我
讲不听偏爱看我感觉爱
等你的依赖对你偏爱
痛也很愉快
等你的依赖

不後悔有把握我不闪躲我非要这麽做
讲不听也偏要爱更努力爱让你明白
没有别条路能走你决定要不要陪我
讲不听偏爱看我感觉爱
等你的依赖对你偏爱
痛也很愉快

i tak reti hidup tanpa u...

2009-12-29T03:49:00.001+08:00

sayang...
kalau lah u faham mandarin kn best?
dalam banyak2 lagu jiwang
ni lah yg betul2 sama dengan perasaan i terhadap u sekarang.

klu di-translatekan,
it roughly means:

i sedar i cinta u sedalam-dalamnya,
tapi i lepaskan u jugak.
yang tinggal dengan i sekarang,
cuma hak untuk rindu u,
sayang u diam-diam....

i'm trying my best to lupakan u,
tapi hati i x ingin lupakan u.
i'm sorry...
i dah promise u, i na cuba lepaskan u,
tapi i x dapat nak promise i sendiri.

i tak sanggup,
i tak reti,
and i tak mampu lepaskan u....

答应不爱你，郑中基

明明爱很清晰却又接受分离
我只剩失恋的权利
难过还来不及爱早已融入呼吸
不存在的存在心底

虽然很努力练习着忘记
我的心却还没答应可以放弃了你
真的对不起答应了你不再爱你
我却还没答应我自己

明明爱很清晰却要接受分离
我只剩失恋的权利
难过还来不及就让爱融入空气
不存在的存在心底

说好要忘记偏偏又想起
原来我的心还没有答应放弃了你
真的对不起虽然曾经答应了你
我却还没答应我自己
却又如何真的不爱你

salah ke kita bertemu?

2009-12-28T13:37:00.004+08:00

"semua ni salah i kan?
kalau i x wujud dalam idup u,
mesti u x sedih2 skrg.
i m sory syg....

u jgnlh nangis, ok?
i rse brslh la syg...."

i cried even harder after you said that.

you were once mine.

2009-12-27T13:24:00.002+08:00

i lay quietly on my bed
listening to the clock hand ticking by.

as the clock strikes twelve,
another day has gone by.
i am a day nearer to the day.

the day
when i finally have to
wake up from this long, long dream,
let you go,
and
lose you.

you should be mine.
you were once, mine.

pining

2009-12-25T22:58:00.002+08:00

i turned off the light,
but i can't turn off my circuit of past memories,
running through our sweet moments again and again.

i shut my eyes,
but i can't shut my mind,
thinking about you, you, you and you.

i shut my eyes tighter,
tears,
hot tears,
started pouring out furiously.

no matter
how hard i try to forget you,
i can't lie to myself.

i love you, sayang.
and
i miss you.

earn quick bucks.

2009-12-21T21:56:00.002+08:00

want to earn quick cash?
forget strip-teasing.
try marking SPM exam papers.

1 set of paper = RM5,
and you can mark at least 10 papers a day right?

and additional bonuses:

1. those students who are
bold enough to pass up blank answer sheets.
you get 5 bucks,
for drawing a straight line across every pages =)

2. those students who
don't understand what they learnt throughout the past two years.
you get 5 bucks,
for drawing little oval 'eggs' on every pages =P

however,
you will curse out really loud when you come across:

1. brilliant students who answer every questions
and you have to mark and mark and mark and mark and mark and......

2. brilliant students who tie and pass up
every single BLANK papers they received.
on every page,
they will diligently and neatly
write their I/C numbers and code.
you just have to salute them!

3. super brilliant students who ask for extra papers,
but leave them all empty!
believe me,
there are empty sets,
consisting of 10 blank helaian tambahan!
front and back, you will have 20 pages!!!!
making their sets thicker than a full-mark excellent set. =.=
poor, poor trees =(

furthermore,
adding,
couting,
double-checking and triple-checking
the marks can be
a real pain in the ass, though.

so maybe
strip-teasing is a still a better alternative after all
no fuss! =P

batpigman? pigmanbat?

2009-12-19T13:31:00.001+08:00

scientists discovered a new living species.
a cross-breed of bat, pig and human.
they have yet to name it,
batpigman? pigmanbat?
it just sounds too stupid.

but it does have a scientific name,
though.
C-H-E-W-Y-E-E
=)

the long holidays after SPM
seems to have modified my genes tremendously.

1.BAT !
during the day,
i am very, very inactive,
my eyes, dahlah sepet,
now half-opened pulak. >.<
just like a bat!

the scariest part is i can't stand bright light.
i screamed at my brother just now,
for switching on the pendarflour light when i was eating.
and,
to stare at the screen to type this blog post,
i had to adjust the lighting mode to 10%.

2. PIG !
i would wake up at noon for BREAKFAST,
then drag myself upstairs to sleep.

4+ pm is lunch time,
and followed by a 'short' nap until 7pm

eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep........ pig-ish!
first tummy,
second big belly,
then Marie France bodyline. =(

3. still HUMAN !
my human sense are still existent,
just hibernating.
at least i still response to movies and mall outings =)

to remind myself that i'm still a homo sapien,
i
read novels, text and gayut, paint, watch tv,
and
bought new goggles.

i am going to swim with my purple goggles this sunday! =D
bats and pigs don't swim, though. =P

nites, people.
sweet dreams.

shakespeare!

2009-12-18T19:01:00.001+08:00

i don't know what's gotten in me,
but i'm into old english poems now.
and i actually recite one every night before i sleep!

this is the one i read yesterday.
sonnet 116, william shakespeare.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

............

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

love, love, love and love again!

i guess i'm still very human,
trapped in the mystery of love,
savouring every delightful moment
that love have to offer...

my new love.

2009-12-17T01:58:00.001+08:00

this is where we first met,
falling in love at first sight.

i love the way he swish and sway his tail,
like a miniature cow! =)

and when he leaps and jumps,
trying to catch a butterfly,
i totally fell in love
with his cuteness and liveliness =)))

when i stroke him
he snuggles up to me
curling up in my lap quietly,
i can feel myself melting
upon meeting his soft brown eyes.....

as the sun sets at the western horizon,
we parted and went separate ways,
wondering whether
we would ever see each other again.......

THE END of my love story =P

counting down

2009-12-16T21:05:00.005+08:00

as i count down
the days left for me to laze around in kuantan,
things start to get weird.

i think
i m so gonna cry
when the day arrives,
despite my previous vows
that i wont be that nimby pamby to cry =(

my dad was like,
"ah girl ahhh,
eat more lahh,
now fat a bit never mind,
when you reach there no good food to eat one la"
and he thrashed a whole lot of noodles on my plate.

my mom was like,
"ah girl,
if we use webcam,
we can see you horrr?
one webcam how much ah? must buy one lah.
if i use 3G to call you,
they charge in papa's bill arrr?"
and she considered buying a new high-tech 3G phone.

my brother was like,
"ah jie,
you write letter to me ah when you reach there.
or i write to you first,
you sms me your address ok?
and can you buy keychains for me?
ok lets play chess with me now,
and we play domino tonight."
and he pulled out the huge chinese chess board.

i was like,
"what to bring there?
i feel like bringing everything!"

in unison,
my father, mother and brother:
"HAIYO! we rent one whole lorry for you lah!
bring everything,
you can bring your smelly tilam too!"

then my father quipped,
"no, i think a trailer is better.
she got so many things!"

LOL!
anyway,
i will be leaving next month,

miss you all,
my friends, teachers, and family
and ringo. =)

i forgot!

2009-12-15T11:06:00.003+08:00

as wen jun and me
were struggling to finish our torturous mandarin essays,
the arab mahaad people ( arabic class in my school )
finished their arabic exam.
yeah, we were all placed in the same hall! =(

they were
dragging and pushing their chairs so loud,
talking and giggling so happily
as if wen jun and me were invisible.
for god's sake, j
ust shut up and get out!

i was so freaking pissed at them,
talking about being religious and polite! wth!

the last straw was when one girl screamed.
she SCREEEAAAMED!
i vowed i would scream 10 times louder than her after i finish my paper
(which is half an hour later, sadly)

but i forgot.
i forgot to scream. damn!

i dashed in the car,
ate two ice creams at the same time
(i couldn't decide to have vanilla or chocolate, so why not both? =)
and had a field trip with a kitty.
which will be posted later on.

no more school, no more uniform, no more SMART!
should i laugh
or should i cry? =P

to dhijee with love

2009-12-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

HAK CIPTA TERPELIHARA

blog ini dilindungi di bawah Akta Hak Cipta 1987

cine attraction

2009-12-10T21:03:00.005+08:00

if my SPM exam results
turn out to be tooooo sucky and shitty,
i have a pretty strong reason to dish.

BAD TIME MANAGEMENT !!!
5 movies in the whole 3 weeks of exams =/

i just can't resist
the temptation of cinema and movies!

i get to.....

1. eat without bulimia-ish guilt
you won't be aware of how many popcorns
you have chowed with your eyes glued to the screen,
and there is definitely no time
for you to count the calorie intake, thank god

2. laugh, scream, cry, or curse
to your heart's content,
depending on the movie genre

3. get a warm teddy bear hug =)))
just by saying the magic phrase "i'm cold"

4. go all lovey dovey with my partner
without hundred pairs of eyes gawking at us,
privacy, at last!

i just loooooooooove movies
and the dark, romantic atmosphere cinema has to offer =)

'santau' and 'sempit' are up next,
anyone? =PP

creative (hilarious) seni question

2009-11-23T14:47:00.005+08:00

SIJIL PELAJARAN MALAYSIA 2009
PENDIDIKAN SENI VISUAL 2611/2
SENI HALUS
KERTAS 2

SOALAN 1

Anda begitu terkejut kerana buah tembikai yang anda beli telah berubah menjadi sebuah rumah yang didiami oleh biji-biji tembikai yang mempunyai kaki dan tangan.

Lukis dari jarak dekat buah tembikai tersebut dengan memberi penekanan kepada unsur jalinan, bentuk, ruang dan perspektif.

LOL!!

haunted by gays!

2009-11-23T14:19:00.004+08:00

i had
a bad, bad dream this morning.

i dreamt about
otto von bismarck and count camillo benso di cavour.
you know,
the german and italy guy from chapter 3,
pembinaan negara and bangsa thingy??

in my dream,
they were a gay couple,
and they were doing gay stuff on the bed!
i don't know
why would i dream of such thing!

POSSIBILITY 1
i read about bismarck and count camillo last week,
and he mentioned something about 'being a gay' in his text message yesterday,
my malfunctioned, stressed out brain
mis-matched the information
and conjured up a disgusting image =(

POSSIBILITY 2
i am mising my crush, adie,
who is allegedly a gay =(

whatever the reason is,
it's still a gross dream!
i don't know to get rid of the image from my head!!

then,
he called,
just at the right time! =)
my life savior, really.

the moment
he said 'hello' in his intriguing voice,
the disgusting image was gone! =)

so long sir otto von bismarck.
so long count camillo benso di cavour.
rest in peace,
and please, please, please
do not visit me in my dream again!!

yummy sperms and ova!

2009-11-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

1 week before
SPM Biology paper,
i start to realise that bio is interesting =)

BIO FACTS:
(that i ought to know long time ago,
but i just read them this afternoon)

1. the yummy white stuff of the popcorn we eat,
is actually endoSPERM of a seed
gross, but still yummy anyway.

2. the apple that i eat everyday,
is actually an enlarged and mature OVARY of a plant.
very feminine =P

so,
i have been eating sperms and ova all these while?
you, too! =PP

P/S: food-craving is one of the symptoms of PMS!
pre-menstrual syndrome rocks! lol =D

my little toes

2009-11-19T18:07:00.001+08:00

i love my little toenails
my pink, glittery toenails =D

leg-shaking

2009-11-19T17:22:00.007+08:00

history, english, b.melayu.
3 subjects cleared!!!

having sat
in the examination hall for 2 days in a row,
i realised that
i really, really, truly,
hate people who shake their legs during the exam.

i tried not to look,
but even if i don't turn around,
i still can see THEM shaking their legs!
why must human have stereoscopic vision?!!!

i had hard times
restraining myself from raising my hand
and scream at the invigilator,

"Cikgu, saya betul-betul tak tahan dah duduk sini.
dorang asyik goyang kaki! menyampahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

i have no idea
why am i SO annoyed and irritated by leg-shkaing,
well,
i do shake my legs sometimes.
exam stress perhaps. sigh!

anyway,
i observed my three friends
and discovered
three unique ways of leg-shaking

#TECHNIQUE 1
LEVEL OF ANNOYANCE : LOW

he crosses his legs. and then shakes one of his foot.
the other parts of his legs (calf, thigh, etc.)
remain stationary.

#TECHNIQUE 2
LEVEL OF ANNOYANCE : MODERATE

she spreads open her legs slightly (baju kurung, thank god)
and starts shaking her legs
in an 'open and close' motion.
open \ /
close ||
open \ /
close ||
she would then shift her chair a little,
and the whole process repeats.

#TECHNIQUE 3
LEVEL OF ANNOYANCE : EXTREMELY HIGH
LEVEL OF COMPLICATION : VERY HIGH
SPEED OF SHAKING : HIGH

with his feet touching the ground,
firstly, he will shake his left leg
in an 'up and down' motion.
up down up down up down up down
very fast.

followed by right leg.
up down up down up down up down
very fast.

then both legs.
up down up down up down up down
very fast!

still shaking both legs simultaneously,
but in a more advanced, complicated method.
left leg up, right leg down
left leg down, right leg up.
fast, and non-stop.

oh god.
i don't know
how am i going to last until Chemistry paper,
which is like another 3 legs,
oopsss
3 weeks more.

p/s: to my three leg-shaking friends,
no offence. =P

tense tense tense!!!

2009-11-15T14:34:00.010+08:00

SPM is in 3 days!
oh my god.

the tension is building up,
and my brain came out with
its own weird ways to reduce stress.

in the past week till today
i.....

1. texted imty. he is soooo cute! =)
and he gave me a flower, how sweet =))

2. polished my nails thrice.
damn, its so frustrating!
were destroyed three times
when i flipped the history book

3. mixed my morning glass of milk
with ribena
the whole glass of milk turns flaky
i wonder why.
and it tastes like ribena (duh!) but extremely powdery
grossssssss!

4. married taufiq, at school.
lol!! xd
and let him upload his camwhore pic as my phone wallpaper =P
my pic is his wallpaper in reciprocate =PP

5. attended a concert!!
thank god i've got the VIP seats,
i get to see all the chinese hotties clearly! =D
i screamed (a little)
clapped (a lot!!)
and drooled over the FRIENDZ boy band (non-stop) =P

happy SPM-ing people!
take care!!

守护天使

2009-11-10T14:16:00.000+08:00

一天,一个盲人带着他的导盲犬过街时,一辆大卡车失去控制,直冲过来,盲人当场被撞死,他的导盲犬为了守卫主人,也一起惨死在车轮底下。

主人和狗一起到了天堂门前。

一个天使拦住他俩,为难地说:“对不起,现在天堂只剩下一个名额,你们两个中必须有一个去地狱。”

主人一听,连忙问:“我的狗又不知道什么是天堂,什么是地狱,能不能让我来决定谁去天堂呢？”

天使鄙视地看了这个主人一样,皱起了眉头,她想了想,说:“很抱歉,先生,每一个灵魂都是平等的,你们要通过比赛决定由谁上天堂。”

主人失望地问:“哦,什么比赛呢？”

天使说:“这个比赛很简单,就是赛跑,从这里跑到天堂的大门,谁先到达目的地,谁就可以上天堂。不过,你也别担心,因为你已经死了,所以不再是瞎子,而且灵魂的速度跟肉体无关,越单纯善良的人速度越快。”

主人想了想,同意了。

天使让主人和狗准备好,就宣布赛跑开始。她满心以为主人为了进天堂,会拼命往前奔,谁知道主人一点也不忙,慢吞吞地往前走着。更令天使吃惊的是,那条导盲犬也没有奔跑,它配合着主人的步调在旁边慢慢跟着,一步都不肯离开主人。天使恍然大悟:原来,多年来这条导盲犬已经养成了习惯,永远跟着主人行动,在主人的前方守护着他。可恶的主人,正是利用了这一点,才胸有成竹,稳操胜券,他只要在天堂门口叫他的狗停下就可以了。

天使看着这条忠心耿耿的狗,心里很难过,她大声对狗说:“你已经为主人献出了生命,现在,你这个主人不再是瞎子,你也不用领着他走路了,你快跑进天堂吧!”

可是,无论是主人还是他的狗,都像是没有听到天使的话一样,仍然慢吞吞地地往前走,好像在街上散步似的。

果然,离终点还有几步的时候,主人发出一声口令,狗听话地坐下了,天使用鄙视的眼神看着主人。

这时,主人笑了,他扭过头对天使说:“我终于把我的狗送到天堂了,我最担心的就是它根本不想上天堂,只想跟我在一起……所以我才想帮它决定,请你照顾好它。”

天使愣住了。

主人留恋地看着自己的狗,又说:“能够用比赛的方式决定真是太好了,只要我再让它往前走几步,它就可以上天堂了。不过它陪伴了我那么多年,这是我第一次可以用自己的眼睛看着它,所以我忍不住想要慢慢地走,多看它一会儿。如果可以的话,我真希望永远看着它走下去。不过天堂到了,那才是它该去的地方,请你照顾好它。”

说完这些话,主人向狗发出了前进的命令,就在狗到达终点的一刹那,主人像一片羽毛似的落向了地狱的方向。他的狗见了,急忙掉转头,追着主人狂奔。满心懊悔的天使张开翅膀追过去,想要抓住导盲犬,不过那是世界上最纯洁善良的灵魂,速度远比天堂所有的天使都快。

所以导盲犬又跟主人在一起了,即使是在地狱,导盲犬也永远守护着它的主人。

天使久久地站在那里,喃喃说道:“我一开始就错了,这两个灵魂是一体的,他们不能分开……”

　　
　　如果有一天，我真的遇上了我的守护天使，我一定会紧紧地拉着她的手不放，好好地珍惜她....

Apocalypse

2009-11-08T11:56:00.005+08:00

As the Mayan have predicted,

our world is going to end on December 21, 2012.

in other words,

i m going to die when i'm 20

20! 20! 20!

only 3 years from now!

*sobs*

i haven't ...

gotten my driving license as well as my first speeding ticket =P

i haven't ...

tell my brother that he is actually cute, without his stupid glasses

i haven't ...

watch the full series of american pie

i haven't ...

date zunaidi officially and seriously

(i'm still in the jual mahal phase =P)

i haven't ...

tell hakim that i USED to have a minor crush on him

i haven't ...

tell cikgu zamri that

i think he is the most good-looking male teacher at school

and cikgu azlan, you are the cutest PE teacher =D

i haven't ...

dye my hair, specifically my fringe

purple ( blue will do as well )

i haven't .....

i haven't ..........

damn!

why can't they predict doomsday on 18th November 2009 instead?

then i might not complain that much =P

oh yeah,

i'm seriously considering getting babies

a baby boy and a baby girl =)

teardrops on the road.

2009-11-04T19:42:00.006+08:00

if anyone
ever take the trouble
to count the tear stain
i left on the road i walk home everyday,
you'd know
how heart broken i am.

every step i took,
is lined by drops of tear,
as i reminisce about you, you, you and everything yours.

there they were,
lying silently on the road,
glistening under the subtle evening ray,

containing
my fondest memories of you,
and
words that i have not,
and will never have a chance to tell you,

you,
the one whom i dearly love,
the one whom i dearly miss,
the one whom i can no longer claim as

mine.

anticipating SPM....

2009-11-01T20:19:00.004+08:00

SPM,
just come and go away quickly, please?

waiting for SPM to start and end
is just so annoying.

i can't wait to .....

1. leave school
2. recycle all my thick revision books
3. start packing my luggage

and,
4. pursue my dreams, finally :)

excited excited excited excited excited EXCITED!!!

i'll miss you, though.

not good enough?

2009-10-29T18:42:00.005+08:00

please don't say
"you deserve a better person, i'm just not good enough for you"
to me.

i hate that reason, excuse, sentence or what-so-ever you call it.

when you know i like you,
the least you could do is
tell me,
that i have made a right choice to fall for you

or better still,
tell me that......

you like me too =P

caterpillar's coccon

KCH.

goodbye, memories.

play me serious.

after years of M.I.A

soul-searching

me! me! me!

语无伦次

一个人

離我而去

残伤

一生一世

down down down

bound.

held back, stopping dead.

inner shine

losing it.

milik siapa hatimu

突然好想你

little act.

pee-ce ful evening :)

自私。伟大

rahsia sepasang anak mata

isi hatiku

你

faraway fairytale

清醒

greatest dad ;)

深夜里想起你

一圈换一圈

离开后的第七天

离开后的第六天

离开后的第五天

离开后的第四天

离开后的第三天

离开后的第二天

离开后的第一天

我离开的那一天

sleeping escapade

staying away from you

昨天的回忆

胸膛的温暖

有影子陪伴着我，请你放心

同桌 。同焯

坠落天使

心痛

entwined souls

anguish tears

blossoming youth

gedik moments

a taste of hedonism

nukilan dari hati yang lara

i will SURVIVE !!!

sNailing my life

say teeth! =P

ready?

tissue roll friend

i've got YOU

me, just me.

tribute to my kawan-kawan yang disayangi =)

two sides

travelling trivia - penang!

travelling trivia - hotel!

travelling trivia - highway!

偏爱 , 张芸京

i tak reti hidup tanpa u...

salah ke kita bertemu?

you were once mine.

pining

earn quick bucks.

batpigman? pigmanbat?

shakespeare!

my new love.

counting down

i forgot!

to dhijee with love

cine attraction

creative (hilarious) seni question

haunted by gays!

yummy sperms and ova!

同桌。同焯